Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
