That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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