they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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