First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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