I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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