I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
