i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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