We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
