there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
