There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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