Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
