I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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