I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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