If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
