Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
