So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
