Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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