Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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