Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
