Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
