I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize