are you still at the devil's house?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
