yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
