dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
