I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
