Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
