Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
