Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
