I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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