I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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