I must be too annoying 4 u.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
