she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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