"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you told grandpa to call you daddy
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize