apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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