I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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