honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
