did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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