Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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