if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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