he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize