Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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