did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
