what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
