He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
don't judge my taste in strippers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
