I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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