can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Plan B is the new Plan A
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
