Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
