"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's the barista slut.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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