ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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