SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Congratulations! We have a period
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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