I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
