And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
