I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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