It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize