Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize