Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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