there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
