I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
