Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
