3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
