Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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