If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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