My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
