Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this will be a night to untag.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
