We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize